Don't Dream It's Over
by TowMondler
Summary: Chandler moves back to New York city to see what part of his old life he can still salvage
1. Don't Dream It's Over

~* Hi! Here is my next fic, sorry it took so long. I bet you all thought I dropped off the face of the earth. The musical I'm in opened last weekend and the practices and performances took up a lot of my time. Okay, all of my time. But here is another one and please review. Oh, and half the song is in the first chapter and the other half is in the second chapter and it's by Six Pence None the Richer. Or at least, they remade it, I don't know who did it first. Anyway, please review.~*

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Nope. Not at all.

Chandler put the last of his bags in the back of the trunk and turned to look up at the apartment. The light in the living room was on and he could see her standing near the window watching him. Watching him leave. She was crying, and her hand covered her mouth as if she could stop her sobbing. He sighed and closed the trunk. He couldn't stay. They had been over this, he just couldn't stay. Things weren't working out between them as well as they had hoped. And he had moved all the way out to San Francisco to be with her. He'd left everything all the way across the United States and moved to be with her. Where had it gotten him? Standing in the street below her apartment as she cried and begged him to stay. They had spent the last five months fighting, but when he mentioned him going back to New York, she had thrown a fit. 

"You're just giving up?" She had screamed at him.

"I don't want to, but I can't do this anymore."

"You're going to throw away three years because we have a little fight?"

"A little fight? We've been fighting non-stop for five months, and before that was no picnic either."

"Where are you going to go?"

"New York."

"You think that your life will just be waiting there for you when you get back? You've been gone for three years Chandler," she had pointed out.

"I can't stay here. I can't stay here with you," he explained and she had thrown a glass at the wall which had shattered behind him and then she had stifled a sob and ran into their bedroom and slammed the door. He kept replaying the words that she had said to him as he had been leaving.

"We could have been great you know?"

"We could have, yes."

"I guess we'll never know now, huh?"

"I guess we won't." She had paused and shivered. "I'll miss you." He had gathered her in his arms, she was first and foremost his friend, and she was hurting.

"I know," he had whispered into her ear. "I'll miss you back." She had leaned forward and given him a kiss. It wasn't a passionate kiss, it was simply a kiss goodbye. A kiss for what might have been.

"Call me when you get there, so that I know you've gotten there okay," she reminded him as he grabbed the last of his boxes to take down to the car.

"Okay." They had hugged one last time before he closed the door and left. Now she was standing watching him go and he managed a smile at her, which she attempted to reciprocate and then turned and closed the blinds and he climbed into the driver's seat and drove away without looking back. 

There is freedom within

there is freedom without

try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

there's a battle ahead

many battles are lost

but you'll never see the end of the road

while you're traveling with me

He had been driving for what seemed like an eternity before finally finding a hotel and getting a room for the night. He collapsed into the bed and closed his eyes to sleep. Images flooded his mind and he had to open his eyes to stop them. She was standing there, her black hair flowing behind her and she was laughing. They were sitting in the coffee house together, and she was leaning up against him and they were talking about what they loved about summer. He remembered that, he remembered that day, and the day after, and the day after that as well. He remembered it all. He remembered the tears that fell, and he remembered how that hurt him as well as her. 

"Gotta stop thinking about that," he said to himself. "Happy thoughts." He shut his eyes again, but all he could see was her face. And could hear her laugh and see her eyes light up when she was surprised. He could see her. He reached over and dialed her number to tell her that he was coming, but stopped before he hit the last number. He hung up the phone. What good would that do? Did he think that she would be waiting for him? No, of course she wouldn't. She had moved on. She probably had gotten married, maybe even was pregnant or had a baby. He didn't know, because he had stopped calling when he left, and he did it for a good reason. The only problem was that he couldn't remember exactly what that reason was. To shield himself from hurt? 

"That was stupid," he said out loud. It felt good to say these things out loud. He had tried to deny things for so long, that it was about time to accept things the way there were. 

"I made a mistake." There, that was easy.

"A huge mistake." Great, but now he was talking to himself. He needed sleep, he decided. There was no use in thinking about what he had done wrong. The past, as they always said, is the past. The only thing that thinking about her and what he gone wrong was making him depressed, and he was already depressed. 

__

Hey now, hey now

don't dream it's over

hey now, hey now

when the world comes in

they come, they come

to build a wall between us

we know they won't win

This was just what he needed, for his car to break down. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. It was as if fate was laughing at him, pointing it's finger and getting a good chuckle from his bad luck. Chandler waited for the tow trunk and noticed the sign of the place.

Geller's.

Fate really was messing with him. He ran a hand through his hair and sat on the chair while they worked on his car. 

"Mr. Bing?" The mechanic came out to get him and handed him a bill. The name on his overall read Joey. Now this was just weird. He got his keys and got back into the car and drove away from that town, from Geller's. He was almost there. He had been in the car for what felt like an eternity and he was almost home. Home. Was it still home? Could it be considered home still? He didn't know. It was just added to the list of the many things that he didn't know the answer to. Should he call Joey? Was the mechanic a sign that he should call Joey and tell him that he was coming home? He picked up his phone and dialed Joey's number and let it ring. 

"Hello?" It was her. What was she doing at Joey's apartment? "Hello?" 

"Is someone there?" He heard Joey's voice in the background. 

"I don't know," she said. "It sounds like there is, but no one's answering. Hello? Are you there?" Chandler panicked and fumbled for the off button.

"Then hang up," Joey told her. 

"Okay." The line went dead. He leaned his head back against the seat of the car. This was a mistake, he could tell already. He would end up regretting this. Thomas Wolfe was right, you can't go home again. He wanted to turn around and run back to his car and run back to San Francisco. Nope, couldn't go there either. Maybe he'd go to Vegas and visit his father, well, that was a laugh, and he had no idea where his mother was. He had two choices: he could either go back to New York, or he could pick a random city and start all over again. Neither was that great, besides, he loved New York, and with that many people in the city he could avoid his former friends, right? He spotted the sign on the side of the road. 

New York City, 200 miles.

Chandler was only 200 miles away from her. From him, from them and all the memories the city held. There was no turning back now. 

__

Now I'm towing my car

there's a hole in the roof

my possessions are causing me suspicion

but there's no proof

~*Are you confused? Don't fear, everything will be revealed in due time. Okay, so please review and I will get the next chapter up. Thanks!~*


	2. A Wall Between Us

~* Okay, thanks so much for the reviews! I enjoyed them thoroughly, so please do it again? Here is the next part, and it clears a little up, but more will be revealed, fear not. Okay, so review. Thanks!~*

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. Except for two....I think....okay, whatever, not mine.

He had gotten in the night before and gotten a hotel room. Now, he had to go face the music, face his friends. Or former friends. Or, well, he really didn't know what they were anymore. He grabbed his coat and left the hotel room and traveled the familiar path back to Central Perk and his old apartment building. He shivered in the fall air and stopped when he saw the building. He was across the street. He could see a blonde coming out talking to another woman. Phoebe. Rachel. They looked the same. He didn't move, he didn't bat an eye. They never even looked in his direction, they just kept walking and laughing. He crossed the street and rang the buzzer. 

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Reynolds, hi, it's Joey, I forgot my key, can you let me in?" He disguised his voice as well as he could, and if his memory was right, Mrs. Reynolds was half blind anyway. He wanted to at least get into the building so that he could talk to her. 

"I thought Monica was whipping you into shape better," Mrs. Reynolds laughed. "Sure honey, here." The door buzzed and opened. What did she mean about Monica whipping him into shape? That sounded suspiciously like a comment one would make about a couple. No way. Her and Joey? No way. Not possible, right? He pushed the door open and slowly ascended the stairs. He came to number 20 and raised his hand to knock. The door swung open right before he did and there she was. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. Hardly anything had changed, well, her hair was a little shorter and layered now, but she was the same. Exactly the same. Except for one thing. His eyes followed her arm down to her hand and holding on tightly was a little girl. A little girl who looked exactly like her, a little girl about two or three. 

"Chandler?" Her voice shook and she gasped and her free hand flew to her mouth.

"Mommy?" Mommy. So he was right, she was married and she did have a baby. But who was the husband? Who was she married to? 

"Hi Monica," was the only thing he could manage to get out.

in the paper today

tales of war and of waste

But you turn right over to the TV page

Hey now, hey now

don't dream it's over

Monica crossed the hallway and knocked on the door to Joey's apartment. When he appeared he smiled at the little girl and picked her up. 

"What's the matter Mon?" He asked when he noticed her pale face.

"Can you take Emily for a few minutes?"

"Why?" Joey peeked around her to the hallway where Chandler was standing with his hands in his pockets. Chandler nearly flinched under the glare that Joey gave him. Joey placed his arm around Monica, but Monica turned and placed a hand on his chest.

"Would you please put Emily down for a nap?"

"Monica," he started. 

"Just put her down for a nap in your apartment and then come over to mine." Joey looked from Monica to Chandler and back at Monica again.

"Fine," he responded and left the hallway. 

"Come in," Monica said softly holding the door open and Chandler followed her in. Everything looked the same, well, almost. With the exception of the toys and the rest of the evidence that a small child lived there, it all looked the same. 

"Emily? Ross let you name your daughter Emily?" Chandler commented trying desperately to lighten the situation. Monica nodded dazed.

"He told me that it was okay, and Rachel said it was okay, so...I always loved the name, and I wanted her to..... Oh God, Chandler, what are you doing here?" So there went the light conversation. 

"I broke up with Cindy." He had almost forgotten Cindy, his girlfriend of three years. He had given everything up for her, he had moved across the country for her. He had given up Monica for her. Well, actually Monica had ended it with him, because of Cindy, but that was a whole other story. 

"Cindy." Monica's voice was full of venom when she repeated the name. It was a name that had caused a whole lot of heartbreak for a lot of people. The door opened and Joey came in. 

"Hi Joey," he replied. Joey moved to Monica's side and slipped a hand into hers for support. 

"Why are you here?"

"I'm going to be living in New York again."

"And you wanted to know if you could move back in?" Joey asked. It had been on Chandler's mind, but he could see be Joey's face that it was not an option.

"No, I just wanted to tell you guys that I was back and to see how you were doing."

"To see how we were doing?" Joey spat the words out. 

"Joey," Monica put a soothing hand on Joey's arm.

"No, Mon. He leaves without a single look back, he sleeps with that girl, that whore, what was her name?"

"Cindy," Monica supplied wearily. 

"That's right, Cindy. He cheats on you with Cindy and then moves all the way to San Francisco with her, without telling us, we had to find out through a note that he left, and now he wants to come back and why? Why Chandler?" 

"Joey, I'm sorry," Chandler hung his head in defeat and Joey studied his face. 

"That's it? You're sorry? Do you have any idea of the mess you made when you left?" 

"Joey, I can't ask for anything more than for you to believe me when I tell you if I could go back and change things I would."

"But you can't," Monica whispered. "I think maybe you should leave." Chandler wanted to argue. He wanted to know if she was married? Who was Emily's father? Was it Joey? Were they together? Then why did he still live across the hall? What had happened in the three years that he had been gone? But the look in both Monica and Joey's told him that they were not in the mood to talk about times past. He stood up.

"Is there anyway that we can talk soon?" Chandler asked. There's some things that I need to clear up." 

"I suppose," Monica replied and watched as he walked out of the door like he had three years before.

__

hey now, hey now

when the world comes in

they come, they come

to build a wall between us

we know they won't win

He walked back to his hotel room and kicked a rock that was in front of him. That had certainly not gone the way that he had hoped. He knew that he didn't deserve for her to forgive him, or Joey, but he had thought, or hoped that they would learn how to forgive and forget. How could they? He thought I can't forget what I did, so why would they? Maybe he could call Phoebe. Ross wouldn't talk to him, because he had hurt his baby sister, and Rachel would take Monica's side automatically, but maybe, maybe Phoebe would listen, and explain to him what had gone on in the three years that he had been in San Francisco. With renewed hope, he changed directions and headed towards Phoebe's apartment. She was home. To his surprise and delight, she was home. 

"Chandler?" She asked incredulously. 

"Hey Pheebs." 

"What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?" 

"Sure," she held the door open wider and let him in.

"I saw Joey and Monica already, they wouldn't talk to me," he reported.

"No, of course not," she answered bluntly. "I really shouldn't be talking to you, but I will. Why are you back? Are you back?"

"Yes, I left Cindy and got here last night," he took his coat off and sat down on her couch. 

"You left her? What happened?"

"We weren't...it didn't....we were fighting all the time, we weren't working, if truth be told, we never worked."

"So why'd you leave?"

"I couldn't stay, with Monica angry with me, and everyone hating me. Not that I blamed you of course, I hated me too, but it was if I could make things work between Cindy and myself then, I hadn't screwed up that badly because Cindy and I were meant to be. You know?"

"Sure, if you and Cindy worked out then what you did to Monica wasn't as bad," she said as she stood up and fixed them both drinks. 

"No, what I did to Monica was still bad, it was just....it wasn't as bad of a mistake, I guess." Chandler rubbed his temples. Nothing could justify what he had done to Monica. It was unjustifiable, but he had lost everything already, so what did he have to lose really by staying with Cindy and moving with her? 

"But it didn't," Phoebe responded sitting back down.

"No, it didn't. But what I really wanted to come talk to you about was what's happened in the three years?" Phoebe shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Have you met Emily?"

"Yes, Emily, Monica's daughter," he answered. 

"Did you know that Monica and Joey are together?"

"I gathered that." He became sick at the notion of the woman that he still was in love with being in love with his former best friend.

"Ross and Rachel finally worked through all of their crap and got back together." She paused. "Chandler, you left a lot of things for the rest of us to fix."

"That's what Joey said. Like what?"

"Like Monica, and...."

"Is Joey Emily's father?"

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes."

"You should ask Monica that question. That's her question to answer."

"She won't talk to me."

"You hurt her."

"But I didn't mean to. I would take that back, Pheebs, I would change that if I could."

"I'm sure that you would, but you can't." Those were the same words the Monica had said to him. He couldn't go back and change the things that he had done. They were unchangeable. And wishing and if only's weren't going to change those facts. 

"Does everyone hate me?"  
"You aren't hated, they don't hate you. They're angry, but they don't hate you. Go talk to Monica, alone, and tell her that you are sorry, see what she says." Chandler hugged his friend and put his coat back on.

"Thanks Phoebe."

"Sure thing," she hugged him once more before he left. "If it means anything, I'm glad that you're home."

"That means the world Phoebe." He would go talk to Monica. He would clear this whole thing up. They could never be the way they used to be, but they could be friends at least. He would make her see that they should be friends still. Yes. That would be what he would do. 

__

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum

and I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart

only the shadows ahead barely clearing the roof

get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

He found himself back at apartment 20. He stood in front of the green door and played what he should say to her in his head.

"I'm sorry Monica, can we talk?" That wouldn't do. He had tried the whole sorry thing three years before. It hadn't worked then, it probably wouldn't work now. No good.

"Let's talk. Can we talk?" No. That was too afterschool specialish. That wouldn't work either. He raised his hand and knocked on the door.

"Chandler?" Monica answered it looking surprised to see him again.

"Hi Monica, can we talk? We need to talk." Straightforward, to the point. That was the way to go. She seemed to pause for a moment to think and then nodded her head. 

"Sure, come in," she held the door open. He stepped into the apartment. 

"Where' s Emily?"

"She's with Ross and Rachel at the park."

"Oh."

"What do you want to talk about?" So he wasn't the only one being blunt today.

"I think that we need to talk about what happened."

"I was pretty clear on what happened Chandler. You cheated on me, I broke up with you, and you moved to San Francisco." He wanted to defend himself like he had tried so many times. He hadn't cheated on her, because technically they hadn't been together. He felt like Ross, he felt like yelling we were on a break. But he didn't want to argue with her. He didn't think it was the time. He needed to talk to her first.

"I know, Monica. I know, what happened then, but what about what happened after that?" 

"What are you talking about?"

"Emily! And the fact that you're with Joey!"

"That's what you came to talk about?"

"Yes!" They were yelling now.

"That's none of your business," she spat angrily.

"Sure it is."

"How come?"

"What?"

"How is it any of your business?"

"Because I'm still in love with you!" She stopped and they both stood staring at the other waiting for someone to speak. 

"You're what?"

"I'm still in love with you. So I want to know. What's going on between with you and Joey? Is he Emily's father?" She paused and thought of the right words to say to him before opening her mouth. Chandler waited on pins and needles as it took what felt like an eternity for her to speak again.

__

Hey now, hey now

don't dream it's over

hey now, hey now

when the world comes in

they come, they come 

to build a wall between us

don't dream it's over

don't ever let them win

~*And because I am that evil, I am going to leave it there. Next chapter, I promise I will clear up exactly what transpired between Monica and Chandler when he left, but first you people have to review for me. Thanks!~*


	3. Counting the steps to the door of your h...

~* Hey! Thanks for reviewing. With the exception of one reviewer, who I am going to address right now: Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you had nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all? I can take constructive criticism but that was ridiculous. But to all the very kind souls that reviewed properly, thanks so much!!!!!!! Okay, that's my little tangent, please read and tell me if you liked it.~*

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to some very rich people. 

"Chandler," she said slowly. "You want to know who Emily's father is?"

"Yes."

"And if I told you, you'd believe me. Right?"

"Of course," he answered automatically. He would believe her. Anything that came out of her mouth, he would believe, because she had said it. He trusted her wholeheartedly.

"She's yours Chandler," Monica replied softly. His head began to spin. His? How was that possible? "I was almost three months pregnant when you left." 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't want to know," she whispered. "You already had one foot out the door." 

"Why didn't you tell me when you first found out?"

"I couldn't figure out how to tell you," she explained. "And then...well, you know what happened after that." It was funny, he wanted to say. After that wasn't so clear after all. 

Three years before:

Chandler knocked on the door and got no answer, he and Monica were supposed to meet to have dinner. He took out his spare key and looked around the dark apartment. Where was Monica? Usually she was home by now. He looked around and found a note sitting on the table.

Chandler-

Sorry, had to work late again tonight. Can we have dinner tomorrow? I know that we have a lot to talk about, but we will I promise. 

Love Monica

He threw the note away and went back over to his apartment, he found something slightly edible and heated it up. She had been working late almost every night for the past two weeks, making it awful hard to see each other. He ate his chicken alone and then glanced at his watch. She wouldn't be home for at least another two hours. There was a party that some of his friends from work were having, he could make an appearance and that would waste some time. Having made up his mind to do this, Chandler grabbed his coat and left the apartment leaving a note for Monica telling her where'd he be if she got home before him.

"Chandler!" Henry opened the door. "Thought you said that you couldn't make it."

"Well, the friend I was supposed to have dinner with was working late again tonight, so I thought that I'd come for a little bit," Chandler explained.

"Well, great, come on, there's someone that I want you to meet. This is Cindy, Cindy this is Chandler. I work with him."

Present:

"Mine?" He repeated. Monica nodded. 

"She has your ears Chandler, and your sense of humor. She has it already and she's only two," Monica told him.

"But she has your eyes, and your smile," he muttered. They were some of the first things he had noticed about Emily. She had Monica's features. She would break hearts one day. Just as her mother had done before her. Wait, that wasn't fair, of course it wasn't. Monica hadn't hurt him, he had hurt her. But she had hurt him, when she threw the book at him and told him to get the hell out. Then she had hurt him. But they had been broken up before that. He wanted to remind her. 

"We only slept together a few times," he muttered.

"Once is all that it takes," Monica replied. She rubbed her arms trying to get warm. She was always cold, Chandler thought. He could remember handing her his coat or getting a blanket for her when they were all at his place. Focus, Chandler, he thought to himself. Stop thinking of before. Before is gone. 

"She's mine?"

"You've asked that twice. Yes. She is yours."  
"You're sure?" She snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Yes," she said and he could see tears welling in her eyes. He always seemed to have that effect on her. "I'm positive. I didn't sleep around, that was you." And that, he wanted to say to her, was cruel, but shock kept from saying anything. Besides, she had a point. He had slept with Cindy.

Three years before: 

"So what's going on with you and Monica?" Joey asked as they played foosball the next day. 

"I don't know, we haven't had a chance to sit down and talk about it yet," he told him scoring a goal. 

"You slept together though, right?"

"Twice," Chandler fended off one of Joey's hits and then looked up at his best friend. "Once in London, once when we got back here." 

"Do you think that you'll get together?"

"I don't know," Chandler replied. "I hope so." He felt a grin creep to his face that came when conversations were about Monica. 

"That's great!" Joey said patting him on the back. "I always knew that you two would get together."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, you're perfect," Joey responded. "Now let's play some foosball." 

Pregnant? Not possible. Monica looked at the test again. No. Her and Chandler hadn't slept together in two weeks. Oh God, she was pregnant. What would she say to him? They weren't even officially dating. They had had dinner a few times, and they both knew that they were leading into something, but they weren't yet. What would he do? What would he say? Oh God. The door opened.

"Hey Mon?" Rachel was home. Monica wrapped the pregnancy test in toilet paper, box and all, and threw it in the trash can. 

"Yes?" She wiped away the tears and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Can I borrow that blue sweater of yours?"

"Sure," Monica smiled. "It's in my closet."

"Thanks," Rachel flashed her a smile and ran into the bedroom to get it. She came back out a minute later.

"Are you having dinner with Chandler tonight?" Rachel asked.

"No, I have to work."

"When are you then? Are you guys going to date seriously? Is he serious about wanting to date?" 

"What is this the Spanish Inquisition?" Monica snapped. Rachel looked taken aback. "I'm sorry," she covered quickly. "I just don't know, and it's starting to get to me, I didn't mean to snap like that." Her best friend wrapped her in a hug.

"Don't worry about it sweetie," she told her. "He really likes you. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you."

"Really?" Monica lifted her head to look at Rachel.

"Really, now thanks for the sweater and have fun at work." With that Rachel breezed out of the room and into her own bedroom. Monica sat down on the couch shakily. What would she say? 

__

Present: 

"So does she think that Joey is her father?"

"No, she thinks of him as Uncle Joey. I suppose if we got married, he would adopt her." Got married. The words resounded in Chandler's head. 

"Are you two that serious?"

"I don't think that is any of your business," Monica replied icily. She walked away and into the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water. Her head was pounding and her hand was shaking. This is what he did to her. This was always what he did to her. 

"Monica?" The voice came softly from the living room.

"What?" She snapped without turning around to face him. Her hands gripped the countertop for support.

"Would it be okay if I got to know Emily?"

"She is yours."

"So that would be okay?'

"Nothing is okay Chandler," she responded. The tone of her voice made his heart break. Cindy. Why did he sleep with her? Why did she call him? Why had he been so stupid? That's what ultimately it amounted to. Him being stupid. 

"Do you want me to go?"

"If you want to meet her, I will go get her," Monica told him finally taking a deep breath and turning around to meet his eyes.

"I would like that." She nodded and left the apartment. Chandler wandered around and looked at the pictures. Pictures of Emily with Monica, and with Joey and if one didn't know any better, they would have thought that the three of them were a perfect family. We could have been a perfect family, Chandler thought bitterly to himself. I screwed that up. I always screw up. It seemed to him that no matter what he did, he managed to find a way to mess up. No matter how great things were, he messed it up. Just like with Monica. He was impatient, that was the first problem, and he was self-destructive: problem number two. 

__

Three years ago:

"Working again?" Chandler repeated.

"I'm sorry," Monica said. "We're working on a new menu. These next few weeks are going to be crazy. But I want us to go out and talk." There was a sparkle in her eyes. "There's something that I need to talk to you about."

"Not tonight?"

"Sorry," she leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for understanding." That's what he did. He understood. Monica left the apartment and Chandler yanked off his tie, he had gotten dressed up for nothing. The phone rang and he reached over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Chandler?"

"Yes?"

"This is Cindy, from the party?"

"Oh, yes. Hi."

"Hi, I was just wondering if you wanted to go get something to eat sometime?" He didn't know why he did it, but the next words out of his mouth he would live to regret. He was just so angry with Monica for canceling again that he wasn't thinking clearly. 

"How about tonight?"

"Tonight?" Cindy repeated. "Tonight's good."

"Great, pick you up at seven-thirty?"

"Great," they hung up and Chandler readjusted his tie. It meant nothing. It was just a dinner with a woman he had had a fun time with at that party. Nothing. It didn't mean that he loved Monica any less, he just didn't want to be alone for the fourth night in a row. That wasn't a crime, right?

__

Present:

The door opened and Monica came in holding Emily in her arms. Joey came right behind in a defensive way. They were his. Chandler could understand. He had let her go and it had been the worse thing he had ever done. He could respect Joey for trying his hardest to keep her. He wished he had. 

"Emily," Monica's voice quavered, but she stood tall. "This is Chandler, Chandler, this is Emily. Chandler is your father, Em."

"Like Uncle Ross is Benny's," Joey added to help the little girl understand. She nodded her head.

"Ice cream?" Emily asked. Chandler gave Monica a questioning look.

"Ross always takes her and Ben out for ice cream, she equates that with being a father," Monica explained. Chandler nodded. If only being a father was going to be that easy. Chandler was terrified of being a father. He would screw up. His father had, and Chandler was already off to a rocky start.

"Can I hold her?" Chandler asked.

"If she'll let you," Monica answered. She placed Emily on the floor, and Chandler held out his arms. The little girl looked back at her mother who nodded slightly. She giggled and ran into Chandler's arms. Chandler had cried only on rare occasions, when his parents split, when his grandmother died, and when Monica left him. But he was crying now. She was his. It was hard to believe, but she was his. Amazing how much he could love someone so quickly.

"She's beautiful Monica," he whispered. Monica covered her mouth and ran from the room, the emotion being far too much for her to handle. 

__

Three Years Before: 

It was when he woke up with a headache and no idea what he had done the night before that he realized he had done something stupid. The girl in his bed....well, it wasn't Monica. Oh God. He had slept with someone else. No it was okay, he would just get her out of there before anyone saw her. If only he could remember her name. Sydney? Cindy? Cindy. That was it. 

"Cindy?" He gently shook her awake. "You need to leave. I need you to leave." 

"Chandler?" A voice called from the living room. Shit, he cursed to himself. Monica. "Are you awake? I felt so bad about last night that I made you breakfast. Should I bring it in there?" 

"No!" He said a little too emphatically. "Set it out there. I'll be out in a minute." 

"Okay," she replied suspiciously. He scrambled out of the bed and threw clothes on. He walked out into the living room. 

"Why don't we eat in your apartment?" He suggested.

"We're already over here," she pointed out. 

"Did you bring strawberries?" He glanced at the plates in her hands.

"No."

"I can't eat pancakes without strawberries," he said. "Could you run over to your apartment and get me some?"

"Sure," she said and gave him a kiss. "We need to talk."

"We will." She smiled and left. He ran and got Cindy up. 

"You need to get out now," he pleaded. She rubbed her eyes. "I mean, now." She yawned and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.

"Chandler?" The door walked in and Monica walked in. So this is what it feels like to know that you're doomed, Chandler thought and wanted to shut his eyes and pretend that it wasn't happening. But it was happening, and he would have to fix it. Fast. 

~* Please review! I'm fast at work on the next chapter. So the faster you review, the faster I get up the next part!*~


	4. Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

~* Okay, not to sound too stalkerish, but I love you people!!!!! I want to come to your houses and give you big hugs. I won't....but I could. Anyway, thanks for your nice reviews. They made my day! I'm sorry this took so long for me to get it up. I was a busy little girl, but here it is and please drop me a note and tell me what you think. Thanks!~*

Disclaimer: Um, not the characters aren't mine. Is that a problem? 

__

Three years before:

The plate that Monica held in her hands dropped to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. 

"Chandler?" Her voice begged for him to tell her that it wasn't what it looked like. Her eyes begged for him to tell her that it was a mistake. 

"Mon, I know what this must look like." Her breathing was level and she was trying her hardest not to cry, he knew her well enough to know that. To know that she was fighting back tears. 

"Chandler, did you sleep with her?" The question came out in a half sob, and Cindy kept her eyes glued to the floor unable to look up at Monica. 

"Mon..."

"You did!" She shook her head. "You slept with her. I can't believe you!"

"Monica, I'm sorry."  
"That's it? You're sorry?"

"Monica....please..."

"Screw you Chandler," she replied and she stepped over the broken shards of glass mixed with strawberries and walked into her apartment. Chandler ran after her, and tried the door knob. It was locked. She had locked it for the first time in years. 

"Monica! Please open up!"

"Go away." 

"Please."

"Go away, don't make me say it again." Rachel stuck her head out of her bedroom at all the commotion.

"What's going on?"

"He slept with someone, some whore!"

"Who? Chandler?"

"Yes!" The tears fell fast and furiously down Monica's cheek.

"Mon!" He was still banging on the door outside.

"Don't." Monica reached out and grabbed her best friend's arm to stop her from opening the door. Rachel did what Monica asked and instead gathered her friend in her arms and let her sob her heart out. 

__

Present: 

Chandler leaned over and scooped Emily into his arms and made his way to the ice cream stand. 

"What flavor Em?"

"White." Understanding what that meant Chandler laughed. 

"So vanilla." She nodded enthusiastically. It had been two weeks since he had come back. He was trying to spend as much time as he could with Emily. It was hard being around Monica and Joey, but he tried his hardest to ignore it. In fact, he was getting pretty good at ignoring it. It was one of his amazing talents. 

"We need to get back home, Mommy is taking you out to dinner." He didn't add with Joey. That part he avoided. They ate their ice cream on the way back to Monica's apartment. When he opened the door, he found Monica standing at the kitchen table packing her purse to leave. She was already dressed for dinner. God, he was amazed by the fact that she could still take his breath away. She was dressed in a blue dress with a plunging neckline and a diamond necklace sitting at the base of her neck. Her dark hair fell in curls to her shoulders.

"Hey!" She smiled when they walked in. Chandler knew that her smile was for Emily, but he still fantasized that it was for him too. No, she reserved that smile for Joey now. He still couldn't get used to that. She hurried over and took Emily off of Chandler. "Let's go get you cleaned up." 

"Mon?"

"Yes?"

"You look great." He had to say it. He couldn't help it. Just as she couldn't help the blush that spread on her cheeks.

"Thanks," she told him and disappeared from the room.

"So I'm going to go," he called.

"Okay."

"Can I come see her tomorrow?"

"Pick her up from daycare and then you can have her until I get home," she answered. 

"Okay." 

"Great." He shoved his hands into his pockets. That was the longest conversation they had had since he first came back. They had only allowed for very short conversations. As he opened the door, Joey came in dressed in a suit.

"Chandler."

"Joey." Their conversations were even shorter than his and Monica's.

"Is she ready?"

"She's getting Emily ready right now."

"Oh."

"Okay. So I better go."

"Chandler?"

"What?"

"Is this weird for you?"

"What?"

"Monica and me. Is it weird?"

"Truth?"

"Yeah."

"Kind of."

"She's a great girl."

"Yeah." Joey's eyes got a far off look and Chandler pondered the conversation for a moment. Great girl? That wasn't something you said when you were madly in love with someone. Hmmm. This presented a whole new side to things. Maybe things weren't definitely over between him and Monica. This made his head hurt and so he said goodbye to Joey, and shaking his head, disappeared out the door. 

__

Three years before:

"And this is yours! Take this!" Monica hurled another book at him. This was hit him in the head. God that hurt. Everything right then hurt. 

"Monica..." He tried to get a word in.

"And this is yours!" She wailed a shoe at him. He stopped and looked down. 

"Why do you have my shoes?" He asked confused.

"I don't know! But here's the other one." He leaned down and picked up and studied it. 

"These aren't mine." That stopped Monica who breathing heavily began to cry.

"I don't want them," she managed to get out between sobs. Chandler didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he should make a move to console her, but knew that he was the last person that she wanted to do that right then, so he just stayed where he was and watched her cry. The door opened and Joey and Rachel walked in.

"What did you do now?" Rachel asked running to her best friend.

"Nothing, I swear," Chandler said shaking his head. 

"No, I just can't be near you right now," Monica replied standing up and walking into her bedroom and slamming the door.

"I think that you should go," Joey said softly.

"Fine." And Chandler put his hand on the door, opened it, and walked into the hallway. He didn't want to go back to his apartment where he would be alone, and Joey wasn't speaking to him. So instead he went to the only place he could think of to go. He went to Cindy's.

__

Present: 

"Monica?" Joey asked as they sat eating their dinners that night.

"Yes?" She looked up from where she was cutting Emily's dinner. 

"Where do you think we're going?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, do you see us getting married?" The truth was, that before Chandler came back she had. But her mind kept telling that she was settling for Joey. He was there for her when she needed him to be, and as much as she hated to admit it, he reminded her in a slight way of Chandler. And since she saw Chandler standing at the doorway a few weeks ago, she couldn't get him out of her mind. She knew that it wouldn't be fair to marry Joey, and be in love with someone else. He didn't deserve to be someone that she settled for. That anyone settled for. 

"Honestly?"

"Yes." It broke her heart to say, and it broke his heart to hear the next words that came out of her mouth.

"No," she said softly.

"No?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I was thinking that it could never work between us."

"What?" Of all the things she thought that he was going to say, that certainly was not it. 

"I mean, I always knew that you were in love with him still. Of course you were, but I don't know, I just thought that if I loved you enough and was there for Emily that one day that would change. But the thing is Mon, that I'm really not in love with you. I'm in love with the idea of loving you. I love you, of course, but I don't want to marry you any more than you want to marry me." They sat in silence contemplating this latest revelation.

"So you don't want to marry me?"

"Not really." She nodded.

"And this means we're done?"

"I guess so." 

"Does that make you sad?"

"A little. You?"

"A little." 

"One last kiss?"

"Sure," she smiled and leaned over the table and gave him a kiss. A goodbye kiss. 

~* Again, sorry this took so long, and it's a little shorter, I know, but I wanted to get something up. So please review!~*


	5. When the world comes crashing in

~* Thanks for reviewing again, and please do it again! I picked out my prom dress, it's so fluffy and pretty, I love it! Okay, sorry, I had to share. And oh! My school caught on fire today, well, it sort of caught on fire, but anyway, we had no power so they sent us home, so we went out to breakfast! Yay! Such a great day. Hope that you all had a good day too. Here's the next part, enjoy!~*

Disclaimer: It doesn't really matter, because even if you wanted to sue me for using the characters, you wouldn't get much. So let's just leave it at I don't own the characters so don't sue me. Okay?

Monica woke up and realized that she was alone. It hit her just like that. Her and Joey were no more. They weren't dating, they weren't going to get married, they were broken up. And the thing that bothered her the most was that that it really didn't bother her. Oh, she was a little sad, as anyone is when a long standing relationship ends, but she could get out of bed and go on with life with no problem. Unlike when Chandler left, and her whole world shut down. No, she shook her head. We're not going to think about him. Not now. That was pretty hard considering he was coming over to pick Emily up in a few hours. Emily. She climbed out of bed and went into the former extra bedroom, now the nursery. Emily was still fast asleep in the big girl bed that Joey had just assembled a few weeks before. Monica sat down in the rocking chair across from the bed and watched her daughter sleep. Emily's eyelids fluttered open and she smiled at her mother.

"Momma." She held out her arms and Monica happily obliged. 

"Hi sweetheart," Monica said holding her close. "Ready for the day?" Emily nodded.

"Make pancakes and eggs?" Emily asked.

"Is that what you want?" 

"Yeah."

"Yeah? Okay, let's go." She took her into the kitchen and sat her down on the counter and turned around and grabbed the eggs. Emily helped her stir the batter and she smiled as Monica made the pancakes into shapes using cookie cutters. There was a knock on the door and she grabbed Emily and went to answer it. 

"Hi," it was Chandler. 

"Hi."

"Is it too early?"

"No, um, I was just making breakfast. Can you help me get her dressed while I finish?"

"Sure. Hi Ems."

"Daddy."

"Did she 'daddy'?" Chandler asked excitedly.

"I think that she did."

"Oh my God Emily!" Chandler said hugging her closely. Monica eyes welled up with tears and she turned away from the father-daughter scene back to her cooking. Chandler was off in his own world with Emily and took her into her bedroom to get her changed. Monica wiped away the evidence of tears with the back of her hand and flipped a star-shaped pancake. She took a deep breath.

"Breakfast's done," she called and Emily came running in.

"Can you keep an eye on her while I take a shower?" Monica asked. 

"Sure." Chandler settled down next to Emily and began to cut her pancakes for her as Monica hurried to the shower where the tears would mix with falling water. She didn't know why exactly it had upset her so much, but she couldn't stop the tears from falling. So she didn't try. Maybe it was that now it was official, Chandler was a part of her and Emily's lives. Maybe she was afraid that Emily would put trust in him and he would disappear. Or maybe she was afraid that she would. 

__

About two years before:

"She's so beautiful," Rachel breathed staring at the tiny little baby in Monica's arms. 

"What are you going to name her?" Phoebe asked. That was right. It was her decision. No one else's. She had no one to suggest any other name or argue with whatever name she chose. And that made her sad.

"I was thinking, if it was okay with Ross and Rachel, that I would like to name her Emily." Emily. One of the few names that Chandler had joked fit with 

Bing. She could still remember when they were in London.

"Maybe I should marry Emily," he had said. "Emily Bing isn't that bad. Where else am I going to find a wife whose name doesn't sound that bad." My name, Monica wanted to say, doesn't sound that bad. Monica Bing. He had been right. Emily Bing sounded nice, but she wouldn't be an Emily Bing, she would be an Emily Geller, but Monica couldn't admit that to herself. 

"That would be okay," Ross said. "That would put a nice memory onto the name."

"Are you an Emily?" Joey asked holding the newborn. "I think it's a wonderful name, Mon."

"Thanks Joe," she smiled at him. They had been awfully close during her pregnancy. They claimed it was because he was jobless so he had time to spend, but everyone else could see something there. If only she wasn't so hung up on Chandler to see it. 

"Emily it is then," Phoebe smiled. And hopefully, this Emily could repair relationships instead of wrecking them.

__

Present:

"So you broke up?" Rachel, the lover of gossip, leaned forward to get all the juicy details from Monica. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Does it have anything to do with Chandler?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because he's back."  
"That means nothing," Monica argued.

"That means everything."

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Does not."

"Stop arguing with me like a five-year-old, it does so." Rachel took a bite of her salad. "Tell me honestly, do you still have a thing for him."

"It doesn't matter."

"Sure it does, why wouldn't it?"

"Because that train left the station a long time ago."

"Not that long ago." Monica shook her head vehemently. 

"No, Rachel, it will neve rhappen."

"Because you won't let it?"

"Because we can't."

"Why not?"

"Please stop."

"Is Joey okay?" Rachel asked changing the subject at her best friend's request.

"As far as I know. I haven't called over there yet," Monica shrugged. "It didn't seem appropriate yet."

"Have you seen Chandler?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Have you?"

"Yes. He came over to pick up Emily." Rachel nodded knowingly. "What?"

"You're still in love with him."

"Oh, come on."

"I'm serious." Monica placed her cup of coffee on the table and pulled out some money.

"This conversation is over," she announced and got up and pulled on her coat.

"Monica, this conversation is no where near being over. You're still in love with him. I know it."

"You know nothing."

"Sure I do, I know that you are completely head over heels in love with the man still. You never stopped loving him." Rachel got her own coat on as well and walked with Monica to the door and out into the brisk winter air. 

"I smell spring," Monica announced ignoring Rachel. 

"You're starting to sound like Phoebe on top of trying to change the subject," Rachel told her laughing. Monica bit her lip. Rachel was right. She had never stopped loving Chandler, but that didn't mean she thought that it would be a good idea for them to get back together. He had hurt her once very badly. Worse than anyone ever had before, and she wasn't so sure that she wanted to jump back into that head first. No, she was going to be careful this time. For her sake and for Emily's.

"Well, Ems, what do you want to do now?"

"Go home."

"Go home? We can go home." He picked her up and made his way through the crowd at the children's museum. He stepped outside and hailed a cab and got them both inside. When they pulled up to Monica's apartment building, he saw Joey hurrying inside. 

"Joey!" Emily squealed.

"Hi Emily!" Joey said picking up the little girl and giving her a hug and a kiss. "How are you today?"

"Good." She squirmed and Joey set her back down.

"Hi Chandler," he said acknowledging Chandler's presence.

"Hi Joe," he answered.

"So I guess you heard?" Joey asked.

"Heard what?"

"That Monica and I broke up. I thought that she would have told you." No, she wouldn't. They weren't exactly on conversation terms yet. 

"No, she didn't." They broke up? That was great. Well, for Joey it sucked, but for him? It was fantastic.

"Well, we did."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No you're not," Joey told him honestly. "But I can understand. See the thing was that her heart was never mine, because she gave it away a long time ago to someone who never really gave it back." And with that he disappeared up the stairs and into his apartment. Chandler took Emily's hand and led her up the stairs to Monica's apartment and knocked on the door.

"Hi Emily!" Monica said running over and giving Emily a hug. She had already started dinner, and it was sitting out on the table.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later," Chandler said starting to leave. He had a lot to think about. They broke up? And what was this whole heart business thing? 

"Chandler? Would you like to stay for dinner?" Monica offered. Dinner? He could do dinner. And maybe one dinner would change into two, and two could turn into....no, it was just a dinner. That was all. 

"Sure. I mean if it's okay."

"I made a lot more than we'll eat, so please stay." She gestured to the table and he took his coat off and sat down in the chair. Monica got Emily situated in her chair before sitting down in her own. It was like, for a moment, that they were a family. He had to smile. Monica poured herself a glass of wine and smiled at him.

"See?" She said. "We can be civil."

"Sure," he said smiling. After dinner, they put Emily to bed together and then sat back down in the living room with their glasses of wine. Monica was on her third or fourth, she couldn't remember, and was starting to feel it's affects. As they talked about old times, carefully avoiding the subject of his infidelity and moving, they moved closer to one another, until finally their lips were mere millimeters apart, and before she knew what was happening, their lips met and they both knew that nothing would ever be the same. 


	6. We won't let them win

~* This is going to be the last chapter because, well, I think that you're all getting bored with it, and to be perfectly frank, so am I. Besides that, if you haven't noticed yet, I have been extremely slow on updating, and that's cause my life is crazy right now. But please review one last time. Thanks!~*

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. 

"What was that?" Monica asked pulling away from Chandler.

"I think in most countries they call that a kiss."

"I know that Chandler," she sighed exasperated. "I mean, why did it happen?"

"Well, our lips met." She shot him a glare and he had to laugh. "Look, Monica, I don't know how it happened. But I kind of liked it until you pulled away."

"Well, I pulled away because...because...this can't happen."

"Why not?"

"Because we don't work."

"Why not?"

"History, Chandler, history taught us that we don't work at all."

"We could."

"But we don't." He sighed and reached over and placed his hand cupping her face. 

"We could Monica. We're older and wiser and we have Emily so neither one of us is going to be stupid about this."

"But...." He smiled at her. 

"No buts." She leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek. 

"Thank you," she added and leaned forward to kiss him once more on the lips. So this is what being happy feels like, he thought to himself. To him Monica equated happiness. He couldn't be happy without her, he couldn't be whole without her. 

"I love you," he whispered. "I've always loved you. No Cindy's or San Francisco's or years apart can change that. It's always been you. Always."

"Really?" She felt the tears in her eyes that she had been desperately trying to control since the kiss start to lose the battle and tumble down her cheeks in rapid succession. 

"Really." 

"I love you too," she whispered back and clung to him burying her face in his sweater and allowing it to absorb the tears. They held each other for what felt like an eternity before a little voice called out from the bedroom.

"Momma!" They both let go and Monica stood to get up and go get her.

"I'll get her," Chandler said placing his hand on hers. 

"We'll both get her," Monica answered and they walked hand in hand to Emily's bedroom. 

"How do we tell the gang?" Monica asked as they laid in bed later that night. Chandler rubbed her bare shoulder. 

"I don't know."

"Especially Joey....I mean...."

"I know." He placed a kiss onto her head. "We'll figure something out." 

"Do you think he'll be angry?" Monica asked biting her lip. She never wanted to hurt Joey, that had never been her intention. He had been so sweet with her, and so good with Emily. But it had always been Chandler. 

"Not really," Chandler answered. Joey knew that Monica had always held a part of herself back for Chandler. Wasn't that what he had told him when Joey had told Chandler that he and Monica had broken up. That she had given her heart away a long time ago to someone who really never gave it back. Of course, he might be hurt a little. It might take a little getting used to for all of them, but it would be okay. Everyone would be okay. 

"Are you sure? How can you know?"

"Because I just do, so go to sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Why not?"

"I just can't. I keep thinking about everything that's happened today." Had it all happened in one day? Chandler had to smile to himself. What a day. First he found out that Joey and Monica were broken up and then they were having dinner, and then kissing, and now this. This was what he was hoping for when he came back to New York. He was hoping for her. And she had not disappointed. He had been afraid that he had built her up in his mind so much that she was nothing like the memory he had of her. But she was. She was everything that he remembered her to be like. 

"Okay, but I really think that you need to go to sleep. Because there is a little girl in the next room who will wake you up and won't care that you only got a few hours of sleep." Monica laughed.

"Good point. Good night." 

"Night Mon." He kissed her one more time and closed his eyes.

"We have something to tell you," Monica started. She had the gang gathered in her apartment. She nervously fiddled with her zipper on her sweater and repeatedly twirled a lock of hair that had fallen out of her messy ponytail. Emily was positioned on Rachel's lap playing with her bracelet.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

"Chandler and I have been talking," she said and took a deep breath. "And we've decided to give us another try." The room fell silent and everyone seemed to turn to Joey to gage his reaction. 

"I think that's wonderful," he said swallowing hard and climbing to his feet and taking Monica in his arms for a hug. He leaned down and whispered into her ear. "He better treat you good this time." She began to cry and held onto Joey tightly.

"He will," she said. "I'll make him." Joey grinned and planted a kiss on top of her forehead. One by one, the gang got up and hugged Monica and Chandler who had been waiting in the bedroom for the all clear. 

"If you hurt her again I will kill you," Ross warned Chandler who laughed as he placed an arm on Monica's waist. 

"I swear to you that I won't hurt her," Chandler assured him. He looked over at Monica who was laughing at Ross. He looked over at Emily who, didn't really know what was happening, but laughing never-the-less with Rachel who kept telling Monica that she had told her so. Cindy and San Francisco ceased to exist. They ceased to be real. This was real. This was life, and the other three years had just been a break from that. 

"I love you," he whispered into Monica's ear.

"I love you too," she whispered back. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"Now they're all going to bug us about when we're getting married. And Emily already told me that she wants a baby brother." Chandler had to laugh.

"One step at a time," he replied. 

"Baby steps," Monica agreed.

"Well, maybe not baby steps, but I want this to work, I want us to work. So we should take it carefully." He chose his words carefully as well. Not slowly, but carefully.

"I couldn't agree more," she smiled.

"Let's get them out of here and ask Rachel to take Emily for the day."

"I couldn't agree more with that either," she responded laughing. 

"Good."

"Great."

"Great."

"Good," they both laughed and stepped into the group again. Chandler had been right, everything was going to be okay. Everyone was going to be okay. 

~*It's done. So please leave a little review and tell me what you thought or that you like cheese, or whatever. *~


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